Mother's Day

A Good Mother's Day

Even though you love your children and wouldn't change anything, I think it takes some time for the professional woman to adjust to the concept of being a stay-at-home mom. I knew from the beginning that staying home was the choice I would make because I believed it would be the best for the kids, I still felt guilty about it; as though I was in some way failing for not maintaining my career. I have continued to work part-time from home to assuage my guilt more than anything else. I don't even check my paycheck to make sure it is correct.

In addition to career-guilt, I have carried imperfect-mother guilt. The new Mom gets lots of advice, reads lots of experts, compares notes with other moms and one point or another (or perhaps multiple times every day) is on the receiving end of a disapproving glance, a "If you were as good a mother as I am you would never let your child watch tv" type statement, or a "No no no, you always start a baby on green beans before applesauce" comment from your pediatrician. This guilt I still feel. I have gained a lot of confidence with experience though and realized that whether your baby likes green beans has nothing to do with whether they tasted the sweetness of applesauce first. Kai was picky, he hated all babyfood. He was a year old before he had a substantial diet of solid foods. Levi wolfs down 2 cartons a feeding and wants more. And there are all kinds of other things that people have strong opinions about that don't really matter. If your kid is potty-trained at 2, great, if he is potty-trained at 3, great. As long as he is not wearing a pull-up to 1st grade you are not a bad mother. :)

Finally there is the "I can't control everything guilt." All moms feel like their biggest job is the safety, happiness and well-being of their children and yet eventually you have to give your child more freedom and place them in the care of others and trust that you have done your best to ensure that they will be just fine. When considering more children, the thought has often crossed my mind that I can't possibly handle trying to ensure the perfectly safe life of another child. I am learning to accept the reality that I can do everything in my power to ensure their well-being, but that I have to trust God to hold them in his hands. This has freed my mind quite a bit.

Well, today is a good mother's day because I think I am finally getting past all these worries. I still work, but I am so convinced that Motherhood is so much more awesome than my career was or ever could be that I no longer struggle with self-doubt over giving it up. I look the pediatrician straight in the eye and tell them that I have been feeding my baby applesauce without their permission and while I will always be an overprotective Mom, I have accepted that life is in God's hands and that he cares for our family and that I can trust his providence.

Today is also a great Mothers' Day because I have two amazing kids that are a constant joy. I love my two boys tremendously. These feelings are not new, but I am better able to enjoy them now that some of that nagging guilt is out of my head. I am amazed at how much the kids change everyday. Today, in honor of Mother's Day, and, perhaps as a sign to me that I may have a rebellious kid on my hands, Levi said "Da Da!!!" :) That's ok, I am thrilled anyway. It was funny because he got a big reaction out of us when he said it for the first time and then wouldn't stop babbling all evening. In actuality Levi is very sweet-natured and easy baby. So I would be surprised if he turned out to be cantankerous.

Kai told us he was going to teach his brother to say some more words. That should be fun to watch.

Kai turned 3 and has been changing so fast. He has definitely left the bulk of the terrible twos behind him which is a relief. He is 100% on his own with bathroom breaks which makes life a lot easier. He amuses himself by "reading" books in his room for an hour at a time. Time Outs happen a lot less frequently now. He is really growing so fast. He has never been a good sleeper and at night when he goes to bed he always tries to get one of us to stay with him. Tonight I gave him a goodnight hug and he grabbed my arms and wouldn't let go. I said, "Your baby brother needs Mommy too. He needs a good night hug, won't you share?" Kai said no at first but then he let go of my arms and said, "OK I will share." That melted my heart as I know the adjustment to sharing mommy with his baby brother has been hard on him.

I am very blessed and I am grateful for every day with my children and grateful for every day with my own parents.

Kai is a big brother!!!

Well the big day finally arrived. Kai became a big brother on Halloween. Kai says "aaaww he's so cute" a lot. Also he tries to tickle him and he says goo goo gaa gaa and coochie coochie coo to him. I have NO IDEA where Kai learned that was how to play with babies -- possibly from the marathon of cartoons he watched while his Aunt Amanda babysat him. Yesterday I walked out to the mailbox and when I came back in Kai was sitting next to the baby. He said, "I'm just hanging with Levi." It is funny to see him walk over and poke the pacifier back in the baby's mouth when he starts to fuss.

It is hard to believe I have two beautiful boys.

photos

Update

Well, Kai is doing great. He is such a personality. He says the funniest things. The other day he said, "Daddy . . . You are my hero!" WOW! What an encourager. He knows daddy's love language, words of affirmation! It is amazing to see how similar his personality is to his daddy's. It just confirms what we already knew - that God has a plan and it is perfect.

Kai is very musical. He likes to hear his daddy play the guitar and sing. He says, "Daddy, Sing Blackbird!" Nothing warms our heart like Kai becoming a "Third Day" fan at all of 2.5 yrs old. :)
"Love Song" was the song at our wedding and "I will always Love you" that spoke to us when we were completing Kai's adoption.

Now we just need a song for Kai's little Brother. Kai is very excited about being a big brother. He doesn't know what he is in for, but he likes to watch the ultrasound videos of Baby Levi and talk to Mommy's belly. We are so thrilled to be having another boy. We think it will be great for the boys to be close. We are expecting Baby Levi on October 16, 2007. If he came sooner . . .that would be fine by me.

I will post photos of Kai soon.

No Regrets

Today is the 1 year anniversary of bringing Kai home. Time has passed so quickly. It still seems like yesterday when we were just beginning to figure out diaper changes and formula and how to be a little less selfish. It was not an easy adjustment at first, as I am sure parenthood never is, but we got through the tough part by rejoicing in all the joy of getting to know Kai.

Kai has grown into a bright, sweet-natured, energetic little toddler. He surprises us everyday with something new he has learned. He says a lot of words and communicates with us a bunch which has been so much fun. He loves music. He sings along with a lot of songs like the ABCs Row Your Boat etc. He has so much energy and enthusiasm for whatever he does.

I freely admit that he is completely spoiled. :)Oh he gets time-out now and then, but most of the time we are too entertained by his antics to enforce the rules. I am sure things will get less entertaining at some point. But for now we are wrapped around his little finger.

We have no regrets about the path we are on right now. Bringing Kai home was a great joy for us. Living and learning with him has been an even greater joy. Kai is the best part of our lives. We cannot imagine life without him. In fact it is hard to remember life without him.

I sometimes wonder about those who long (or longed) for children but hesitate or refuse to adopt because of fear of the unknown and a host of other concerns. I don't judge, but I do say that when you check on that little boy or girl in the middle of the night and they reach their arms out to you and say "Mama?" none of those things matter and you wonder why they ever did. To think that such little things have kept you from one of the greatest blessings in life. It breaks my heart for the relationship that could have been.

We have been tremendously blessed to be Kai's Mom and Dad. We thank God every day that he led our hearts to Taiwan.

Kai lately

These photos are from a few months ago, I am working on posting more recent ones.

Kai

Latest photos

Not so sure about the slide!


















Swinging at the neighborhood park!

















Kai takes a break from all the Christmas shopping!





Eary T-giving with Brad, Amanda, Mom, Dad, Nathan, Ashley, Me and Kai.

photos

Kai's a citizen!!!


















We had a hard time obeying the last prohibition on this list.

Coming Home!

Well our last day in Taipei was enjoyable. We booked a morning tour of the NOrthern Coast with the same guide we hired for the night tour, Jack. He speaks English well and was very pleasant. If you are interested in having him do a tour while you are there, I will send you his contact information. We saw another Temple in Keelung, which is a port area. This one had a large outdoor area with some huge statutes. I will post photos. They also had a nice gift shop. A good place to buy little trinkets at reasonable costs. We then went to a state park on the coast near Keelung that is known for its very interesting and unique sandstone formations. There is one in particular that is shaped like the head of an Egyptian Queen. There must not be too many personal injury lawsuits there as there were lots of walkways without railings that were a little precarious.

Finally, we ended our tour with a stop at a handicraft market in Taipei. I purchased a chop, which is a type of Chinese carved stamp with your name written in Chinese. I had Kai's Chinese name engraved on it. The handle has a carved rooster since Kai was born in the year of the Rooster.

After our tour we had a nice lunch at our hotel and then spent the afternoon packing. We checked out late and took a bus to the airport. I have changed my mind, the taxi was better. The bus made a lot of extra stops that made the savings not really worth it as we already had a long day ahead of us.

The flight from Taipei from LAX had terrible turbulence. I wasn nauseaous for the first half of the trip and definitely could not sleep. We had a bassinet for Kai which was nice. He really didn't fuss too much. At one point though he was crying and wouldn't calm with a bottle. I adjusted him on my lap and his eyes caught the chairside TV and he was instanly transfixed! This child at eight months does not know how to eat from a spoon, but he likes to watch TV and is dying for a coke! Yep, whenever one of us had a can of coke (our comfort food) he would grab for it and try to pull it to his lips and stick his lips out like he knows how to sip from a can!

By the way the vending machines there mostly do not sell American sodas. They do sell Asparagus juice though if you really have a hankering for some.

When we finally made it to LAX I was a zombie. We ate mexican food and tried to stay awake for the layover. The flight from California was 4.3 hours on Delta/Song. They had chairside TVs with movies, inflight trivia games (with lots of fashion and hair questions . . . weird), music, direct TV channels like CNN, Cartoon Network etc. etc. It helped pass the time. This time Kai was on our laps, which his preferred way of sleeping. When we landed in California we stopped to put Kai's little feet on the ground as he is a citizen automatically once he arrives in the US. Kai was pretty excited.

Kai was always very quiet when were out in public in Taipei. The Taiwanese people would try to coax him to smile or laugh and he would just stare. Once we hit California he was laughing at every Chinese person he saw as if to say, "HEY, you are here too??" There was Chinese airport worker at LAX who was clucking his tongue at Kai and Kai was just squirming and laughing. I also think Kai perks up in the cooler, fresh air over here.

Our friend Ashley picked us up at the airport and had meals and flowers and welcome home signs for us at our house. So sweet of her. We slept most of the day and had her lasagna for dinner. You can only guess how much that was appreciated. We were SOOOoooo tired.

Kai woke up overnight several times in a little bit of terror upon not recognizing the new place, we finally put him between us on the king Bed so that he would see us if he woke. He seems to be doing better tonight. We are really looking forward to some routine in his life as it will really be good for him.

Well, this will probably be it for the blog other than a few photos. Thank you to all of you for your prayers and good wishes and advice. We have enjoyed sharing this trip with you.

Love, Adam Connie and Kai

Last Night in Taipei!

Well, this is our last full night in Taipei as tomorrow we will be heading home. This morning we took the MRT to Xinbeitou. There are Hot Springs there. It is a 15- 20 minute uphill walk to the springs. It is pretty. There were pretty little parks and some live folk music. I think I prefer to see more architecture than the natural sights. If you are a hiker you might enjoy this. I like to hike, but am not really prepared for it on this trip and it was a hot day.

This afternoon we went back to Taipei 101 because we saw they had a food court. We anticipated a wide variety of options and even American places since the mall area had so many American stores. Well, imagine a food court with about 30 different Chinese restaurants!! (then throw in 1 KFC, 1 Subway and 1 MCdonalds! We were missing American food so we looked to KFC . . . very different from here. SO don't think you wil go to an American restaurant here and have American food.

This evening we visited the Confucious and Bao-An temples. These are right next to each other. I have to say the Temples may be my favorite thing here. (If you can go to Longshan Temple in the evening on a Sat. or Sunday that is the best. The people are as interesting as the Temple itself). There were monks in the Confucious Temple playing recorder music. They are just SO beautiful and fascinating. I would love to have a really good guide to read about the symbols etc.

We then went to Shihlin Market. It is partially indoors. I do not like it at all. It was very flea-markety. The smaller markets are much better in my opinion. The market by Longshan temple was interesting. The market at Danshui next to the MRT station is very nice.

Tomorrow morning we will be taking a tour of the Northern Coast area then packing up to head home. Say a prayer for us and for little Kai!

Photos

Martyrs Shrine; Danshui; Taipei 101

Hi all,

Yesterday was a big day. In the morning we walked the quarter of a mile or so down from our hotel to the Martyrs' Shrine. The architecture was amazing. They have a changing of the guard every hour that is a treat to see. The marching and the drill are similar to what we would see the U.S. military do with the grace of Tai Chi thrown in. Sharp, but also graceful. You will want to get there earlier than the top of the hour as the guards begin their march before the hour. I do not recommend walking to the site. The smog and congestion are heavy and if the walk had been any longer I would have been very reluctant to have Kai out in it. We took a taxi back which is easy enough to do as the taxis are everywhere.

At 11:00, Adam took the MRT down to the AIT to pick up Kai's visa. In the afternoon we took the MRT red line North to Danshui. We had to change trains at Beitou, but stayed on the red line. At Danshui the train station is waterfront on the Pacific Ocean. On the Street side of the station are a line of bus stops. The very first bus Stop is for the #26 Bus which takes you to the Fisherman's Wharf area. It has shops, a cool suspension bridge and lots of fresh ocean air. You might be surprised how welcome this is after a few days in the smog and exhaust in the city ( which is very bad, my biggest complaint, Taipei needs some environmentalists). The shopping at Fishermans wharf is not great or anything. It was just a nice walk. Kai is usually very quiet when we are outside our hotel room, but he was laughing and squirming and having a good old time. I think he really is ready for the beach life.

While at Fisherman's Wharf we were overwhelmed with hunger and stopped in at the Fisherman's Wharf Pub. They did not have western food at all and no bottled water or cokes. I ordered a Heinekin just to have something bottled and ended up with a 1 litre can!! The waitress was pretty surprised when I ordered it and I discovered why when she brought it to the table.

While dining we were treated with a live performance of Achy-Breaky Heart Taiwan style!! That song is funny in any country, but especially in Taiwan after a liter of Heinekin while STILL trying to fight jet lag!

We returned on the 26 bus to Danshui and by 6:30 the town was lit up. There was a waterside night market that included a Chinese puppetry performance of some children's musical fairytale. The people were all very friendly. There were tons of great looking restaurants. If you want to do some shopping, I would definitely recommend this area. If we had not been so exhausted we would have loved to stay and browse longer.

Today was our meeting with Kai's birth family. We took a taxi from our hotel and this time took a different route . . . and ended up at the wrong place! Imagine the panic that set in when this happended. I am not exactly sure what the story is but there must be more than one place that fits Cathwel's address. When you are getting their address translated by your hotel, make sure you let them know that the address is for a location out beyond Taipei Zoo, not in town. Anyway, of course our cabbie did not speak English and I had unwisely decided that I did not need to bring their telephone number. Fortunately Adam had the number for our hotel and the cab driver had a cell phone so we could call and get a translation and explanation for our driver. We finally made it 15 minutes late! I wanted to cry!

Meetings with birthfamilies are all differnt, I am sure. I think having no expectations is your best bet. Things are what they are.

After Cathwel, we went to the Taipei 101 area. A few blocks from Taipei 101 on Xin Yi (or Hsin Yi) road is a little Fish & Chips restaurant called the Frying Scotsman. It was pretty good. A lot of the stores have English writing since that area has so many western business people. That is also the area where you are most likely to find American restaurants ( we saw subway, KFC, Chilis, Pizza Hut etc.). Taipei 101 has a shopping mall on par with our shopping malls. We went up to the top of the building, but the fog was pretty bad so we couldn't see too far. However now we can say we have been to the top of the tallest building in the world.

I will post photos of our adventures after Kai dozes off.

The AIT

Whew! It has been difficult finding time to update the blog. Kai is keeping me pretty busy. For the first two days Kai was a quiet, non-fussy baby. You wouldn't know he needed a diaper change or was hungry or anything. However, last night he learned something: if he cries, he gets his way! So he has been crying all morning everytime he doesn't get his way. Believe it or not I was actually grateful to hear him wail in the middle of the night! The cycle of the baby experienceing a need, crying and then having his needs met in response to his cries, are essential components of the attachment cycle.

Yesterday was a big day. We stopped by Florida Bakery on Chung Shan N. Rd., Sec. 3 and got some pastries and croissants. Very good. I definitely recommend it if you are like me and just want a little something for breakfast. There is a Seven Eleven next door to it if you need some place to pick up bottled Coke or water. (beware the pastry items at 7-11 . . . I just picked up one that I thought looked like a Danish and it was some type of pork pastry).

Speaking of Taiwanese food, the steamed pork filled buns are SOOOO delicious. (are they dim sum?) If you see these round white buns in a bamboo steamer, get one, they are good. I am going to figure out how to make them when I get home.

After our bakery visit we took a cab to the AIT, America's non-embassy in Taiwan. We saw the big, blue signs with AIT and arrows pointing to its location so it easy to find. It would be easy to take the MRT. The Daan Park stop on the brown line is just a block or so up from the AIT. I will tell you more about the MRT in a moment. The AIT visit was easy. We were surprised that Kai already has a passport! It was an easy process. We will return today to pick up his visa. We will have an IR-3 visa so Kai will be an automatic citizen.

Taking the MRT is surprisingly easy. When you walk into a station you will see a bank of ticket machines with a fare map aove each one. The fare map shows the fare for each stop. A taiwanese lady was helpful in keeping us from adding the fare of each stop along the way to our destination. You simply look at the stop you are going to and the number on that stop is your fare for the one-way trip. It is usually between 20 to 25 NT. Then you put in the change to get your ticket. Run the ticket through the slots on the turnstiles with the green arrows (the red X's mean they are exit turnstiles). Then just follow the signs to the metros. The MRT is just like the metro in St. Louis.

Once you are on the train you can count the stops to your desitnation or just watch the screens over the doors which will show the stops written in English. You do not have to get a new ticket if you change MRT lines. Once you get to your destination you just run your ticket back through the turnstiles to exit. We are planning a trip up north using the MRT this afternoon and I will tell you all about it if it works out. It is a lot less expensive than a guided tour.

If you stay at the Grand Hotel there is shuttle that runs a loop every 20 minutes that includes a stop at Yuanshan MRT terminal. There is also a path from a hotel on the Northwest side of the hotel from the Jianten terminal.

After the AIT we took the MRT to the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial park and saw the stunning Chiang Kai Shek Memorial, the National Concert Hall and National Theatre. There is also a little garden area with a pond side walking path and Chinese style footbridge. The ponds have beautiful, brightly colored fish. Allison, there is a festival that is in the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial park next week, maybe you would like to check that out while you are here.

Kai is continuing to do well. He is getting attached and really loving being the center of attention.

Connie

Photos

Gotcha Day!

Well, Gotcha day was actually yesterday, but I kinda ran out of time to post yesterday. Kai kept us pretty busy!

Yesterday morning we took a cab to Jonah House and were there an hour early! For some reason we thought it was going to take longer to get there. Anyway, to kill some time we walked up and down the street that Jonah House was one.

A few blocks up the road was a streetfront grilled sandwich shop. We decided to stop in there. The shop was very simple, very rough. From the outside it looked like a place you might not want to eat at. But there was a long line of locals so we knew it must be pretty good. You should have seen the image of Adam standing in a crowd of Taiwanese with the lead cook yelling orders in Chinese. Adam towered above those around him and looked so out of place. I took a picture, but a picture cannot capture what it was like.

The shop owners were very nice. Adam just held up two fingers and pointed at the homemade Egg McMuffin. The shop owners' elementary shool aged boy was taking money and pouring drinks and spoke some English. We got a lot of looks and I am sure they didn't see too many Americans stopping in to eat there. The sandwiches were surprisingly excellent!

Before we left the shop Adam gave the boy a King Sized Hersheys Chocolate Bar. Characteristically the boy did not show any response or look up at Adam, but Adam said when the boy turned away he had a huge smile on his face.

Yes, Adam is really getting a kick out of handing out Hersheys' Bars as they always get a great response out of the sometimes stoic Taiwanese. They can't help smiling. Even the taxi drivers!

JONAH HOUSE
Well we rang the doorbell a few times and finally saw the call/intercom box to let them know we were there. A boy who was probably 8 years old opened the door and ushered us through the VERY quiet halls. We met Maria, the social worker who led us to the second floor nursery area. I started to cry as soon as I saw the nursery! Then through the glass we saw a caregiver lift up Kai. We recognized him right away.

Kai was cuddly, but very quiet, expressionless and calm when they handed him to us. We had about 20 minutes to hold him and kiss him. He really looked at our faces a lot. He was very curious about us.

We got our first smile out of Kai when his Daddy helped him to stand up on the floor. It was such a relief to see that smile. After spending some time holding him, we sat with Maria who reviewed Kai's schedule with us and gave us the instructions for his formula. We presented her with some candy boxes for the caregivers and then pulled out the baby items. When I pulled them out of the bag she said, "Ooooh, Gerber!". So I definitely recommend sticking with their specific requests when bringing baby items.

The care givers said their goodbyes to Kai and one of them even teared up a little. They really love the children. We were then allowed to take pictures of waiting children. We then left.

I would describe the overall experience as a quiet, gentle introduction. We had tried to have realistic expectations which I think made the experience very nice. We were there for maybe 40 minutes max.

On the cab ride Kai was still very quiet and expressionless. I was a little worried about the lack of sound and verbalization. Well, we have no worries now. Once we were settled at the hotel, Kai had gotten used to us and brightened right up. He is VERY cuddly. He did not display any symptoms of overstimulation at all. We have had no eye contact problems either. He will gaze into your eyes for long periods. I am glad as this will help with bonding. He is not fussy at all and is just adorable. He is already beginning to bond and wants to keep you in view at all times.

Kai is very strong. He is crawling and seems like he can't wait to stand up and walk.

Today we will head to the AIT for Kai's visa and then we will try and do some more sightseeing.

I think I shared pictures with everyone via snapfish, but if not, just email me and I will send you a link for our most recent pictures.

Night Tour

We snoozed in the afternoon today. Then we took a Taipei Night Tour. We started with a dinner at a Mongolian BarBQ restaurant tucked in an alley. It was very busy and very much a local place. A lot of families there. Adam loved it. He went back for seconds and the cook saw Adam's bowl full of pork and no vegetables and just shook his head as though to say "tourists!" Anyway, several hours later, after a vigorous tooth brushing, and some gargling Adam has the worst projectile dragon breath I have ever smelled.

Our tour guide was very friendly. He was a retired horticulturalist for Taipei and tour guiding was his second career. He had been an exchange student to Kansas State to learn agricultural methods. It certainly seems to be a smalll world. He has grown children. One of his sons was a computer engineer, 40 and unmarried with no girlfriend. Our guide said his son has poor social skills; he only talks about computers. We thought this was kinda humorous. He also has a 10 month old grandson who he described as "very cute, but also very naughty."

After dinner we visited the Tapei Center, the second tallest building in Taipei. We got a nice view of Taipei. The drive there and back also helped us to get oriented. During the drive our guide had some opinions to share about the US packing up its Navy base in Taiwan to become a friend to China.

We also visited Longshan Temple, which is a must-see, and a night market. The temple was very busy while we were there which was very interesting. There were shrines to about 25 different gods. We paid special attention to the Matchmaking God for the sake of some of our friends. The air was very thick with incense. People were kneeling, praying, giving offerings of fruits (Buddha is apparently a vegetarian), and were also dropping these plates to find out the answers to questions . (Kind of like flipping a coin). The building was constructed in the 1700s. It was beautiful. The pictures above don't do it justice.

The Night market was our final stop it is very much like a flea market. We saw some pretty offensive key chains with some outrageous depictions that we decided would NOT make good gifts for any of you. We also checked out the snake shops where they hung dead and live snakes and sold snake meat and various other snake items. There were a few shops that had more unique items. Overall it was a good experience, but I would be fine without going to another night market.

This was a nice tour to do as something easy to just get an overview of some of Taipei's highlights. I would recommend it if it falls in the right place in your itinerary.

Photos

This is the view from the balcony in our room.


















The decor is intricate inside and out. The photo above shows a beautiful carved ceiling.
































The gate to the Grand.




Umm, this picture just looks funny. Adam is holding a rolled up hot towel they hand out for cleaning your hands before the meals.